Women today were not raised to be wives and mothers, just as men were not...

Women today were not raised to be wives and mothers, just as men were not raised to be husbands and fathers. Our ancestors worked a lot harder under much worse conditions, with less help and far less complaining.

The problem is not “too much to do”. Just like men, women need to carry a sufficient load to be happy. If we are underworked, we tend to fill the empty spaces with time- and energy-wasters and complaining. This is why we have childless couples who can’t manage to keep their apartments clean.

We have all worked with that guy who can stretch out a 1-hour task over 2 days. Well, guess what? Women can do that too, and when they do, they feel bad for being unproductive and are exhausted from pretending to be busy. You need to protect her from this (it’s one of the real problems you should be solving, not the dirty dishes).

“All the housework” is 4 to 5 hours of work a day, unless you have too much house or are disorganised. Downsize your house, remove excess stuff, and help her learn to be more efficient. A schedule helps, as does reducing expectations; just do what is needed and don’t take on “extras”.

Taking care of her children shouldn’t stress her out unless they have special needs or are poorly parented. Once you have three or four of them, they are napping, in school, or playing together most of the day and only need a few hours of her time. Homeschooling adds maybe 2 hours total.

It’s her responsibility to make friends with other women and cooperate in child care with them. This is a vital responsibility, as women need other women to work with, and if we do too much for them, it removes that incentive, to our wifes detriment. (If your wife has no female friends who she can share child care with, now you know why.)

Help her improve her abilities in this area and spend at least 2 hours a day with your children after work. That might be as simple as taking them for a walk or just sitting and talking. I like to do something active with them, like workout or go to the park.

If that’s still not enough to lighten her load, you can hire a maid to do the bulk of the cleaning. That’s going to be a lot cheaper than you doing it, unless you earn less per hour than a maid.

My great-great-grandmother had 16 children and a farm to run while my great-great-grandfather was out running the family businesses, sometimes traveling for days at a time. All her children were raised well and became competent adults. According to her, the biggest problem was too much free time.

I’ve seen SAHM’s with 10 or more children and how they run their houses. They are generally not stressed out because they are organized. They HAVE to be organized. They also HUSTLE when they do stuff; there is no wasted time or futile tasks. The children behave and help her because she had no choice but to train them to do so.

There are other women who work full time, keep their house immaculate, and have several children all without their husbands help. If they can do it, then a SAHM can do it.

Man or woman, if you are distracted, disorganised, inefficient, and unskilled, your work is going to be stressful. Get better at it, and everything will get easier for you.