While staying in a small cabin with my family, I had the chance to teach my son one of the most important lessons of his life. It was not about dishes, it was about how to do any job, how to approach work, and how to become a man who gets things done.

The System

I have a method I use for almost everything, from running businesses to washing dishes. It goes like this:

Define the Scope Break the job into something you can complete in under an hour. One job is just one part of a larger project, which may itself be part of a long-term goal. If you cannot bite off one piece at a time, you will choke. This applies to dishes, and to woodworking, writing or anything else. Before you build a chair, you have to decide exactly what kind of chair you are building. That is your scope. Is it a bench? A stool? A throne? If you do not know what you are building, the job turns into chaos.

Prepare Your Workspace and Tools Clean your workspace. Lay out your tools. Sharpen the blades. Plug in the sander. Make sure the wood is measured and ready. If you are washing dishes, make sure the sink is clean, the soap and sponge are ready, and the drying space is clear. You should not have to leave the room once you start.

Batch and Sequence Whether sanding wooden legs or scrubbing plates, group like with like. Work in a smooth order. Stack parts in sequence. Eliminate chaos before it begins.

Do the Job Get to work. Cut. Sand. Glue. Wash. Rinse. Stack. Cleanly. Efficiently. No wasted motion. Minimal change of actions. No whining.

The Wrong Way, Then the Right Way

That evening, I told my son he would be doing the dishes. At home, he does not clean dirty dishes, we have a dishwasher and a maid. But here? I paid for the trip. His mother cooked the food and shopped for it. The least he could do was contribute by washing dishes.

I did not teach him the system right away. I told him, “Show me how you’d do it.”

He tossed all the dishes haphazardly into the tiny sink, which was already cramped and overflowing. Then he grabbed a cup, squirted some soap onto the sponge, and started scrubbing it, slow, awkward, and bent at an uncomfortable angle. Water and suds sprayed in every direction. It soaked his shirt, splattered the counters, and turned the kitchen into a mess. When he finished rinsing and drying that single cup, five full minutes later, he stared at the pile still to come. Then the math hit him: “At this rate, it will take me two hours.” He sighed. He looked demoralized. That was exactly the moment I had been waiting for.

(Pro peaceful parenting tip: When a child gets demoralized doing something the wrong way, that is the moment they are finally open to learning the right way. Nobody makes a systems change when they are full of themselves and convinced they already know everything. Let them crash a bit, fail on their own terms, and suddenly they are humble enough to listen, to learn, and to change without a fight.)

He had to see that his way was not working. No lecture could substitute for that experience. Previously, on other issues, I made the mistake of giving him the system too early, before he had tasted the inefficiency of disorder.

Then I showed him the right way.

He cleaned the sink first. Brought order to the chaos. Batched by type. Washed with a rhythm. No more splashing. No more mess. He finished in minutes. And he was proud.

But I was not done yet.

The Four Tiers of Efficiency

I told him he had just unlocked Tier One: having a system. That already puts you ahead of most people.

With repetition and refinement, you reach Tier Two: mastery. You get faster. Smoother. Cleaner.

But then you hit a ceiling. You can only move so fast. So you move to Tier Three: automation. You buy a dishwasher. It is faster, uses less energy and soap, and saves your time. Good tools are leverage.

Then comes Tier Four: delegation. You pay someone else to do it. Not because you are lazy, but because you understand the value of your time, and because leadership means designing systems that run without you. Only Tier Four lets you do multiple jobs at once. Only Tier Four makes real leadership possible.

Why Chores Matter

Too many parents turn chores into punishment. Power games. Make-work. That is a mistake. It breeds resentment and emotional resistance.

Chores should be framed as contribution. An opportunity to train skill, discipline, and pride. The point is not the dishes. The point is learning how to see any task clearly, break it down, and execute it well.

Kids hunger for mastery. They want to feel competent. They want to feel strong. Give them that, and they stop avoiding work. They start chasing it.

Final Lesson

Most people waste their energy. They take four times longer to do simple things than necessary. Not because they are lazy, but because they never learned how to be efficient. Nobody taught them.

Efficiency is not everything. A Japanese tea ceremony is a perfect example, it is not efficient at all, but that is not its purpose. Its purpose is presence, beauty, stillness, and harmony. It is about honoring the moment. There is nothing wrong with that. Life needs rituals. Life needs poetry and beauty for beauty’s sake. But most of life is not a tea ceremony. Most of life is work, and for that, we need systems. We need to move fast, clean, and with purpose. Save the inefficiency for the sacred. Master efficiency for everything else.

Because most of life is dishes. Things to get done.

And our job as parents is to make sure our children know how to master those.