No one "has" to worry, it's a choice

No one “has” to worry, it’s a choice.

Building your life around your wife’s emotional state is foolish and unsustainable. You are not responsible for her worry, anxiety, or feelings about the family’s finances.

Her worry might be a legitimate response to instability, or it might be caused by her past or even irrational levels of neuroticism. This is a common cause as women tend to have much higher scores in neuroticism and more difficulty in controlling irrational fears and worries.

Additionally, the material demands of women are infinite and exceed their actual needs. Yes, they will ask for more, and that’s ok; you don’t have to give it to them. Your job is to be financially responsible and includes putting limits on her demands on you and the family finances.

This next part is highly controversial in 2024 but was well-known wisdom in every culture throughout all of history. All your ancestors understood this principle, which we seem to have forgotten today:

Men must look after their own needs first, then the wife, then the children.

Men who do it backwards and put their wives needs first burn out, break down, and are then unable to care for anyone else or their marriage, if they live through the collapse. Foolish and irresponsible.

The husband and father is the most important person to the family’s success; everything rides on his shoulders. His success is the family’s success. His health is the family’s health. That is the burden of leadership, being the example that others look up to and lean on.

Statistics show that fatherless homes are a disaster in every way; however, motherless homes are about as effective at producing successful adults as intact homes. This doesn’t mean mothers don’t matter; it just means that fathers matter far more.

When a man prioritizes his needs, he has the time, energy, strength, clarity, and will to meet those of his wife and children as well. It’s just math. You can’t give anything unless you have first filled your own cup and trying to do so will lead to disappointment for all.

But that means a man has to KNOW his needs and how to get them met. Many men, especially (but not only) autistic men, have a difficult time knowing what they need, noticing when their needs are not being met, and explaining it to those who could help them. This can be embarrassing, as they are often hyper successful in other areas but struggle to help themselves personally.

Here I discuss needs vs. wants:

If you are often tired, unwell, emotionally distraught, or struggling in life, it’s likely that your needs to thrive are not being met. You need a compassionate, impartial third party that is trained in reading people and assessing their needs to help you. If you could read your own needs adequately and satisfy them, you would have already done it, resolving whatever is lacking.

Getting help to thrive is elite behavior. Reach out to me and I will put you on the right path to getting what you need and want.