"As soon as my spouse does x for me, I'll will do y for them

“As soon as my spouse does x for me, I’ll will do y for them.”

The above is a statement of immaturity and low agency. It proclaims that the person saying it takes no personal responsibility or initiative in their marriage. They are a grown-child.

Being a husband or wife requires maturity. The childish thinking above will lead to divorce, especially if both spouses follow this pattern, waiting for the other to grow up first.

“When I feel safe and secure, I can be feminine and treat my husband right.” “When I feel respected and my authority is accepted, I can lead my wife and take care of her right.”

Think back to your marriage vows.

“In the name of God, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.”

Note, “until we are parted by death” not “until I don’t feel like it”.

We must take our marital duty seriously, independent of our fickle feelings.

The correct thinking is demonstrated below:

“I will be feminine and treat my husband right so that I can inspire him to help me feel safe and secure.” “I will lead my wife and take care of her right so that it is easier for her to respect me and accept my authority.”

The words you say to yourself and others about your marriage will change the actions you take and affect the health of your marriage. Do not curse your family by carelessly repeating foolish phrases that you hear on social media.

“But what about abuse, neglect, abandonment, and cheating?” (Some contrarian always brings this up 🙄.)

That’s not the type of issue we are talking about here. If you have grounds for a divorce, then get one if you wish; if not, do your duty. That’s your binary choice: divorce or fulfil the promises you made in your marriage vows. There is no fence sitting on this issue. No excuses.

If you find that taking responsibility for your marriage is too much of a struggle or you need help thinking through your marital challenges, please reach out to me in the DMs. I will help you.