The Trap of Raising Obedient Children Most parents want their children to be...

The Trap of Raising Obedient Children

Most parents want their children to be “well-behaved,” but what does that mean?

A child who obeys without question may seem easy to manage, but what happens when they become adults who still need to be told what to do? What happens when they can’t think for themselves, make decisions, or stand up to authority, even when that authority is leading them straight into disaster?

The world is full of adults like this: people who follow orders blindly, who let others dictate their beliefs and actions, who are easily manipulated by propaganda, peer pressure, and fear. They aren’t leaders, they aren’t independent, they are puppets waiting for someone to pull their strings.

This is not the future I want for my children. And it shouldn’t be the future you want for yours.

So instead of teaching my children to obey, I teach them to think.

Teaching Through Questions

When my children make a mistake, I don’t immediately correct them. Instead, I ask them four questions:

“What happened?” (Let them explain, no judgements as the do so)

“Is that what you wanted to happen?” (be empathetic)

“How did that make you feel?” (comfort them)

“What do you think might prevent that from happening again?” (help them think this through with questions)

These questions stimulate their thinking, encouraging them to self-correct. Often, motivated by their own desire to improve, they recognize the issue and adjust their behavior. However, if they repeat the same mistake three times in a row, I have a deeper conversation with them.

A Real Conversation With My Son

Dad: “You’re too smart to keep making the same mistakes over and over again, but you’re not yet able to stop. Why?”

Son: “Well, I didn’t mean to do X. It wasn’t my intention.”

Dad: “Of course, you didn’t intend to do anything wrong; you are a good child. I’m not accusing you; I’m helping you think through this so that you can learn how to stop. This is how we develop wisdom.

You’ve already uncovered an important insight: your intention. You didn’t intend to make the mistake, but you also didn’t act with intentionality to do what you were supposed to be doing. You let your environment and chance dictate your actions instead of your will.”

Son: “But I just got distracted by…” (He lists the distractions.)

Dad: “I know. Your brain is still developing, and it’s hard for a young person to focus for long periods. But every time you say no to distraction, even for just a second, your mind gets stronger, your will begins to dominate, and you become the agent acting upon yourself and the world rather than a helpless NPC.

Do you want to become powerful? Then you need to keep practicing the control of your mind. At the same time, you should remove any distractions you can control. There will always be challenges in life; no need to make it harder than necessary. What can you do to your environment right now to help you focus?”

Son: “Well, I could clean up my desk; I could put on headphones to block out noises…”

Dad: “OK, great plan. Let’s do it now. Do you need my help with any of these things?”

The Danger of Raising Obedient, Thoughtless Adults

Your goal as a parent is not to produce obedient children. The world is already full of obedient children, trained to follow orders without question, unable to think for themselves, easily manipulated, and conditioned to rely on authority figures to tell them what to do. These children grow into adults who never question their circumstances, never take initiative, and never become independent thinkers.

They are the ones who blindly obey corrupt politicians, who go along with the mob, who submit to ideologies without understanding them. They are easily swayed by propaganda, taken in by every conman and cult, and seek out strong men to dictate their lives. They become servants of power rather than wielders of their own will.

They follow orders at work, at home, in society—never questioning, never challenging, never leading.

They do what they’re told, even when it’s wrong.

They accept lies because they’ve never been taught to seek the truth.

They are weak because no one ever taught them how to be strong.

If you raise a child to simply obey, you raise an adult who will always need to be told what to do. And that is a dangerous way to live.

Your goal is to produce mature, agentic adults who are capable of imposing their will on reality. You will not get that outcome unless you teach your children how to think, reason, and act in systematic and replicable ways.

Every conversation with your children should be carefully designed to program better decision-making heuristics into their developing minds.

Call to Action: Train Your Child to Think

If you want your children to grow into strong, independent adults who can navigate life confidently, you must train them to think critically, act with intention, and internalize systems of right and wrong rather than simply follow orders.

Raising thinkers requires conscious effort. It requires structured conversations, clear moral frameworks, and consistent opportunities to make decisions and analyze outcomes. It means guiding them toward wisdom, not just obedience.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of passive obedience and start raising children who think, lead, and shape their own futures, I can help. Reach out to me, and let’s work together to ensure the next generation is not lost to blind submission.

Share this with other parents, especially those who need to hear it. Every child deserves to be raised as an independent thinker, and every parent should know how to do it.

Discussion Questions:

How were you raised? Were you taught to think critically, or were you trained to obey without question? How has that affected your life positively or negatively?

How are you raising your own children? Are you actively teaching them to analyze situations, make decisions, and take responsibility for their choices?