The right way to break up with a woman (KEY INFORMATION) Decades ago, one of my...

The right way to break up with a woman (KEY INFORMATION)

Decades ago, one of my roommates broke up with a girl and gave her a dossier with all the reasons why he thought a relationship with her would and wouldn’t work out, a pros and cons list, complete with charts, financial calculations, his research on her life history, notes about each date, etc.

He was telling me about this one morning at breakfast. Myself and the other roommates couldn’t stop laughing. He thought it was normal behavior.

He did the same thing if he liked the girl. Everyone he dated more than a few times got a dossier. He called it a proposal and described it as a merger. He was a good-looking, wealthy business genius but a social dunce. He got a lot of dates but was still single in his 40s, last I heard.

When you break up with a girl, just tell her the truth. “I’m not interested enough to continue.” If she asks, tell her why in the simplest terms possible, without emotion or insult.

There are only three main reasons to break up with a woman:

1. “Our values on marriage or parenting (etc.) are not aligned.” This means you don’t think she will make a good wife or mother for your children, for whatever reasons you decide. (The key is to YOUR children.) This is the answer to cheating as well.

2. “I don’t see us going in the same direction lifestyle-wise.” Her ideas about how to live are so different from yours that they will conflict, and you do not have reasons to believe she will adapt to your ways. This answer also works when you don’t like her family or friends and don’t want to live around them.

3. “I’m not attracted enough to you.” You don’t find her sufficiently attractive. This might be simply physical, or it could be that she has an unattractive attitude or behavior.

In general, you and her get nothing by expanding further. Don’t let her suck you into an endless debate or explanation. You don’t have to explain yourself further.

Note: This depends on the time you have been dating. If you dated for years and the reason for the breakup was not infidelity, then allow her a few conversations to conclude the relationship. Just listen for a bit each time and let her tire herself out. Still, this needs to be within your frame. When you are done, say so and end the conversation.

No matter what you say, she might not take it well. Her emotions are not your responsibility. Take ownership of yourself and your choices, and make the break clean and complete.

The dossiers he would give women looked something like this. He made them in duplicate, one for her, one for him and he had a file drawer full of his copies.