The ability to forgive is powerful and healing for both the forgiver and the...

The ability to forgive is powerful and healing for both the forgiver and the forgiven

Like anything that is powerful it has the potentional to help or harm, depending on how its used

Forgiveness is not a virtue or a vice, it is a tool

We will discuss how to use it correctly

When we harm someone it imposes a cost on them, leaving us in their debt

Forgiving is clearing that debt

Of course a debtor will appreciate clearing his debts

But what effect would it have if we never demanded debts to us be repaid?

Think of the unintended consequences!

The majority of humans base many of their moral decisions on what they can get away with (consequentialism)

Laws are only laws if enforced

If debts were never collected on, most people would never pay them and the few who did would be at a huge disadvantage

Unearned forgiveness removes the social pressure on individuals to seek the moral path, to behave in prosocial ways

It incentivises bad and even evil behaviour

It leads people into temptation to do things they would otherwise avoid

Unearned forgiveness is therefore a sin

How is forgiveness earned?

1. Acknowledge the harm done
2. Apologise as many times as needed
3. Make restitution
4. Cease the harm

Either party can initiate the process of seeking forgiveness however you should always see it as YOUR responsible and not wait for others to start

Earned forgiveness enables those who have done wrong to balance the scales, to restore their honour and to rebuild relationships

If we give out forgiveness like candy it cheapens it, and cheapens the efforts of truly repentant people seeking to right past wrongs

“That sounds really hard”

Yes, yes it is, its supposed to be hard, thats a feature

Earned forgiveness creates better societies because it disincentives & punishes bad behaviour

If the prospect of earning forgiveness frightens you, then let it be a warning against causing harm

“What if the offending party does not want to take the steps to earn forgiveness?”

Then you may wish to go down other avenues to extract restitution, stop the harm and set right the balance of nature

You can pursue reciprocity from one side

You have or make options

“What if I dont seek restitution and an end to harm?”

Then you will live with the consequences

You will feel a boiling rage and sadness in you until you face those who have hurt you

Conflict against evil cleans the soul of negative emotions

“What if restitution is impossible?”

Restitution is always possible, but not always equivalent

Sometimes we cant get back what we lost and so we have to settle for what we can get, which may even be punishment for the wrongdoer

“If someone earns forgiveness does that means I can trust them?”

Not necessarily

Earning forgiveness does not restore trust or rebuild a relationship, thats a completely separate issue

You are not required to “forgive and forget”

“If I just forgive and let go of the anger I will feel better”

So feeling better is your metric for morality?

What does your feelings really have to do with right and wrong?

What message are you sending out to the world about your willingness to defend your foundries?

“But doesn’t forgiving people make me a better person?”

No, as men, our duty is not to forgive, it is to hold people accountable for their actions

We have been entrusted with the job of bringing balance, justice, the restoration of natural law via the enforcement of reciprocity

“Why do so many people advise unearned forgiveness?”

Many reasons:

Maybe they are the ones causing others harm and seek to make their own forgiveness easier so as to continue without repercussions

Or maybe they are afraid of conflict

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