Men and women mature in different ways, each development path suited to their...
Men and women mature in different ways, each development path suited to their roles as fathers and mothers.
There is a lot of over lap as well and I will discuss the similarities first and perhaps later the differences, in another Tweet thread.
- Take responsibility
Both men and women must take personal responsibility for their lives and the decisions they make.
You many not be to blame for the bad that happens to you, but you are responsible for fixing it.
This requires developing AGENCY, see the screen shots.
“Taking responsibility” is more than just a feeling or statement.
You need to know what you are responsible for and what that means.
Saying, “I’m responsible,” is not enough.
It means taking the actions that go along with being a responsible person.
Taking responsibility gives you inner peace.
It separates blame from authority to act.
It’s not your fault but only you can fix it.
You have the full authority to solve your problems.
That power enables you to address unresolved needs & face the future with confidence.
- Know your limitations
We have 7 limitations to our Agency (see previous tweets about Agency).
Knowing our limitations helps us overcome them, deal with them and plan around them.
These limitations can only be discovered by our actions.
Test yourself.
Marriage and family tests us in many ways.
Immature people allow it to test them until the breaking point, where they get resentful and check out of the marriage.
The path of maturity is to test yourself in ways that are safe & build your strength rather than burn you out.
Our limitations are:
- Knowledge (Ignorance)
- Intellectual (Intelligence)
- Mindfulness (Impulse control)
- Physical (Body)
- Instrumental (Technologies)
- Resource
- External
Do you know your limitations is each area?
Have you tested yourself?
Knowing your limitations stops cycles of self blame.
It also prevents many stupid decisions made out of hubris.
You can be calm in facing the future if you know yourself, including your limitations.
- Overcome your limitations.
Of all the limitations to Agency that we have control over, perhaps mindfulness is the most important to develop.
Mindfulness builds self-control and allows you to be present in the moment, take proper actions and focus on what you are doing.
- Learn how to satisfy your needs
Mature adults avoid disappointment, disillusion and eventual resentment over not getting their needs met by learning to meet their own needs.
Taking responsibility for your needs doesn’t mean that you no longer need each other.
Maturity allows us to identify and take steps to ensure that our needs are met, including communicating them to our spouse.
This requires having hard discussions and navigating conflict.
- The promotion of inner positivity.
No one wants to be married to a sad sack.
Learning how to perform regular emotional hygiene and how to use your emotions for energy instead of having them drain you is part of being a mature adult.
These are skills anyone can learn.
- Letting go of unhealthy programming
Most things we do each day don’t require deep thought. We work on autopilot.
There is no need to rethink how to tie your shoes every time to put them on.
This saves energy for more important thinking.
Working on auto pilot programs is great, until it’s not.
Marriage creates new responsibilities & expectations. Old methods may not be up to the new tasks.
Suddenly coping skills that helped us in the past become a liability in the present.
You need to reprogram yourself.
The need to continually replace old, outdated behaviours with new ones that meet your new needs is essential to being a functioning adult.
This growth is the essence of what “maturing” means.
All the above screen shots are from my book & course on Agency.
The profound inner changes, peace and control that my clients experience allows them to start and maintain great marriages.
DM me if this is something you want to work on.
We can have a free 30 minute call.
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