Ladies, no, you can't be friends with a man

Ladies, no, you can’t be friends with a man.

Men know this instinctively; it’s obvious to most of us. The sneaky dudes will lie about it; thats a whole sexual strategy (sneaky fulker), lying about wanting to be friends to get closer to a woman hoping for sex.

The friends with benefits strategy is similar but generally used by more attractive men to get sex without commitment.

Women employ a similar strategy by cultivating male “friends” (beta orbiters) to provide them with boyfriend/husband benefits (protection, emotional connection, labor, resources) without the need to reciprocate. Unlike the men who lie to the women about ulterior motives, these women lie to themselves about their motives.

Note: Modern language abuses the word “friends,” often confusing it with associates. Let’s avoid that mistake here and define friendship.

Friend: Someone with whom you have a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of family. A form of love that does not include romance and sexual attraction.

Ladies, maybe you instinctively know these things. But do you know why you can’t be friends with a man? I will explain:

There are only two reasons a man will show interest in a woman.

1. To invest in her as a father, brother, other family member, husband, son, teacher, or mentor.
2. To consume her, either as a predator or as a parasite.

Men can more easily get all of our primary social needs met by associating with other men than by associating with women. We do not have any need for female friendships.

In fact, all male friend groups are essential for men to mature and develop stable masculine characteristics.

Yes, most men enjoy or even need some exposure to the feminine; that’s what our girlfriends and wives are for. When we are younger and single, we can speak with our mothers, aunts, sisters, etc. to get a female perspective and affection.

Associating with social groups that include women is not the same as being friends with them and is part of a healthy life and development. How else are you going to meet a woman you want to marry?

Some of you may remain unconvinced. Thats a natural response; for many decades, we have been told a lie about how men and women interact and what we want from each other. That lie has warped our perception and made it hard to admit the truth.

Ladies, ask yourself this question: Would you like your husband to get his need for exposure to the feminine met by another woman? That gut response tells you the deep truth that you knew all along about opposite-sex friendships.

“How can I tell if a man wants to invest in me or consume me?”

The man who invests in a woman is working to create a win-win situation with her. He seeks reciprocity, acts with responsibility, and communicates honestly.

• The father invests in his daughter because she will continue his lineage.
• The husband invests in his wife because she will carry his children.
• The teacher invests in the student because she will carry on his ideas (or she pays him).

The man who seeks to consume a woman is looking to get what he can from her without concern for her well-being. He creates win-lose or even lose-lose situations.

• The predator physically takes sex, money, and labor from her.
• The parasite manipulates her into giving him sex, money, and labor.

Once you learn to identify and avoid predators and parasites, you will no longer have to worry about men who only seek to consume you.

(I wrote a book on dealing with manipulation called “Become Immune to Manipulation: How They Are Manipulating You (And How to Resist It)”)

The natural enemy of the man who consumes women is the man who invests in his women. Naturally, we protect what we invest in. The men in your life who have invested in you and who care about you are your first line of defence against the predator and the parasite.

Women who have no men invested in them are more vulnerable to consumption. They lack natural guardians and protectors.

The solution is to cultivate opportunities to be invested in. Make yourself a good investment by investing in yourself. This will attract good and virtuous men who want to invest in you.

Sometimes this starts with finding a mentor or coach who can help you figure out what to invest in and how. DM me if you would like this help.