In my coaching, I teach my clients to live joyful lives

In my coaching, I teach my clients to live joyful lives.

But I’ve noticed something. Very often, there’s a society-wide confusion between happiness, joy, and satisfaction or contentment. We see people chasing happiness at all costs… and ending up extremely miserable.

So what’s going on?

Why does the pursuit of happiness so often lead to emptiness, addiction, or depression?

Let’s take a look at the cultural roots of this idea. In the US Constitution, it famously says that all men have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The United States is founded on the idea of pursuing happiness.

How’s that working out?

Depression rates have skyrocketed.

Millions rely on SSRIs, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers just to function.

Men are dropping out of society: work, marriage, fatherhood, at alarming rates.

Suicide remains one of the leading causes of death, especially for men under 50.

Drug overdose deaths and escapism through video games, porn, and meaningless entertainment are at all-time highs.

So it’s worth asking: if the pursuit of happiness is our guiding principle, why does our society feel so miserable?

One key reason is this: we misuse words all the time.

People confuse happiness, joy, and satisfaction constantly. But they are not the same.

Let’s get clear:

Happiness is a fleeting emotional state. It’s light, pleasant, and usually reactive, like feeling good after sex, a great meal, or a compliment.

Joy is deeper. It’s a kind of pleasure and soul-level resonance that comes from doing something meaningful or being aligned with your purpose, even when the moment is hard or painful.

Satisfaction (or contentment) is more stable. It’s the grounded, long-term peace that comes from knowing you’re living rightly, even if things aren’t perfect.

Here’s the problem with pursuing happiness directly, especially for men:

It backfires.

The moment we feel “happy,” we also feel sedated. That warm, calm feeling tells our brain, “You’ve made it. No need to strive.” And for many men, that’s when our drive, ambition, and edge start to fade.

And what happens next?

We sabotage the comfort.

We create new problems. We pick fights. We invent drama. We chase novelty. Why? Because we need the pressure of a worthy struggle to feel alive again.

So yes, I believe men should stop chasing happiness and start seeking challenge, purpose, and mastery instead.

Men especially desire heroism. To be a hero, you must forsake comfort. You must forsake, at times, your own happiness to pursue something that’s even more important than your happiness, your comfort, and your immediate needs. A hero is one who does what needs to be done when all others fail. Most men crave to be the hero, to be heroic. But happiness sedates, and the pursuit of happiness is anti-heroic. It goes against our nature.

Because when we pursue responsibility, struggle, and growth, joy and satisfaction tend to show up as byproducts.

But when we chase happiness for its own sake, it slips through our fingers.

If you want to live a joyful, meaningful life, don’t aim to feel good.

Aim to become good. Aim to do something worthwhile. Aim to make even your suffering serve a purpose.

That’s where real joy begins.