How early should I bring up intentions with a girl when dating?
How early should I bring up intentions with a girl when dating? Without giving them “the ick” of commitment?
This was a great question I got in the DMs today. Bookmark this answer so that you can review it when you are getting serious with a woman.
Don’t bring up marriage and children until you:
- Are attracted to her enough to marry her.
- Get along with her well enough to live with her.
- She has demonstrated good wife qualities.
- She has demonstrated good motherly qualities.
Then bring up marriage, children, lifestyle, etc. with very low pressure. The time period should be between 3 to 6 months from the start of dating. Earlier, if she shows that she is marriage-minded.
Women today are very anxious about their ability to be wives and mothers. Thousands of hours of anti-family propaganda have bombarded their impressionable minds since childhood. The modern woman needs gentle and positive encouragement from a man they trust and look up to to start shifting into the family frame. So you need to build her trust in you first and go slowly.
When it’s time, while touching her lovingly, say things like:
“You would make a great mother.” “I wonder what our kids would look like?” “You are the kind of girl I would love to marry.” “I can see us growing old together.”
Don’t be too intense. After one line, return to light banter. Watch her eyes. Is she surprised, uncomfortable, happy, shocked? That’s going to tell you a lot.
Most women need to get pregnant in the heart and mind before they will accept getting pregnant in the body. It’s about planting seeds in her mind and getting her comfortable with the idea of marriage and children while helping her build up her confidence in being able to do the job.
If she follows up your prompt with interest or questions, give her a bit more information; you know she’s keen. Eventually she’s going to be ready for and expecting a deeper conversation and will signal that by repeating back similar phrases or asking more questions.
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