🥉 Having a list of things you are looking for in a spouse is good 🥈 Having a...

� Having a list of things you are looking for in a spouse is good

� Having a list of things you want to avoid is better

� But BEST is designing a lifestyle and picking a spouse that works with how you want to live

First: Think about HOW you want to live

More flexible = easier to get what you want

Examples:

�Country, urban, suburban? �Near family? �Big house or small? �How many children? �New cars or used? �SAHM? �Eating out? �Vacations, travel? �How much will husband work?

�Fitness? �Food habits? �House maintenance? �Money management? �Debt? �Strict monogamy or? �Religion?

And may more areas can be included in the list.

When designing your married life, some things will not matter to you, thats good.

You will still want to write down what areas you’re flexible on. Dont leave it to chance or emotion later on.

A good rule of thumb is to be flexible on 2 areas for every area you require.

Second: Think about what YOU can do

What can YOU do to support the married life you are proposing?

What do you need a spouse to do?

Here is the big question: Is what you are prepared to do a fair trade for what you are asking your spouse to do?

If you are asking more than you are offering you will not get anyone seriously presenting you the lifestyle you crave.

If you are already married and you are offering far less than you are asking, divorce is coming for you.

Ask for less & offering more to fix this.

If you are already married and unhappy, instead of looking for an out, work with your partner to redesign your married life.

Think in terms of how you want to live differently, not what you want your spouse to do differently.

This helps you to come up with creative solutions.

Make sure that each area of your proposed new lifestyle is the responsibility of ONE person.

Any shared responsibilities need to be broken up until they are discrete and separate.

Shared responsibilities create conflict, division of labor creates peace.

And you want peace.