All valid commitments include the following: 1) A two party agreement 2)...

All valid commitments include the following:

1. A two party agreement
2. Commitment specifics (to do or not do what?)
3. An objective measure of failure
4. A time limit
5. A system of enforcement of the agreement

Details on each are below.

1. A two party agreement

Do you both agree on the commitment?

Have you said it out loud?

Do others know? (Important so that they can help you hold to your commitment)

How do you know you are on the same page about the details?

2. Commitment specifics (to do or not do what?)

“we are committed to each other” is nonsense

Vague commitments are lies and delusions

You need to commit to specific actions (or to avoid specific actions) for the commitment to have any value

3. On objective measure of failure

All commitments need to have objective ways for the parties to know if they or their partner are in breach of the agreement

How can you follow an agreement if you dont know what not following the agreement looks like?

4. A time limit

All agreements are subjected to time limits

(Marriage is “until death do you part” which is a temporal limit since eventually you grow old and die)

How long are you two committed for?

If its “until we want out” then its not a real commitment

5. A system of enforcement of the agreement

You want out? Whats the cost? Who enforces the specifics you both agreed to? How to they enforce it? Are your family and friends involved in helping to hold you both to the commitment?

Commitments without enforcement are not real

I know it’s not romantic of sexy to think about these things, but it’s what adults do when planning for their future and engaging in something that could produce children.

Have a serious discussion about this with your partner

Does your “commitment” meet the criteria above?

If your commitment meets all of the above criteria congratulations, you are married.