When someone says, “You’re perfect the way you are,” they might mean well, but...

When someone says, “You’re perfect the way you are,” they might mean well, but they are sabotaging you. None of us are perfect. We can all improve. A better thing to say is, “I love you just the way you are.” That leaves room for growth. It affirms love without denying reality.

The same applies when encouraging others, be specific. If you tell your child “I love you,” let them know why. Maybe it is as simple as, “Because you are my son.” Or go deeper: “I love how brave you are,” or “I love that you always try your best.”

I love my wife because she is loyal, easygoing, hardworking, those are virtues I value in her. Naming them reinforces her strengths and shows her what I cherish.

When we tell people what we love about them, we help them understand their value, and we give them a reason to keep growing.